Once Was Lost & Now I Ground
October 6,2023
By Ādaraya
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We have yet again reached a pivotal pique in western civilisations venture of self, where identity politics and the plight on Human Rights, is reframing our worldview. And although I don’t believe a slew of tight-knit ‘identifying labels’ can satisfy our species existence, my ‘diversity quota greeting card’ might read something like:

Neurodivergent, Non-conforming Gender Fluid, Queer-Trans Person of Colour, [who lives by way of spiritual tradition, devotion and practice – outside the cognitive constructs of ‘time/space reality].

A mouthful, I know, but it’s more than the finding of a label that fits, it’s an honouring of forever fleeting feelings and a worded way of fortifying beliefs. These acknowledgements are a lash back to the attempted devouring of deserving freedoms & the will to rewrite (reconstruct) or rewire ones own reality, and therefore, perception of such. These depicters and descriptors are not to be mistaken as the summation of this so far travelled journey, but rather, a lettered equation granting access to divine power.

What feels like society’s current cultural surge of seeking to belong to something, is evocation of the innately alternative – away from predisposed teachings of corruption and faulty knowledge – as well as provocation for the harmonisation between mother-nature, miracles’ maker and ‘trans(man)-kind’. Before being delivered such terms of endearment, I was noted as every degrading remark possible. Perpetual projections of improper reflections which aim to disarm, disable and probe into delusions of toxic grandeur – supposedly bringing comfort to others’ insecurities and ignorances – have a profound and prolifically imprinting effect on the quality and offering of life.

Whilst being diverse is a humble blessing in disguise, there has been no shortage of struggle within the prevalent ‘cis-gendered hetero-norms’ of our ‘west knows best, white & righteous’ counterparts. Although the struggle is subsiding, whilst we approach an English vernacular that provides compassionate understanding for individual growth out of collective trauma, there are important strides to be taken toward actioning said compassions and embracing new understandings of individuality. And as much as I am grateful for the nuanced terminology that invites binary participants to break free from a typical understanding of hue-man evolution, we are more than the redefining words used to relate/engage within a world designed to discriminate and depreciate those of difference. These differences have breathed life into opportunities that immerse a full spectrum of ‘dark & light’, ‘highs & lows’, ‘hot & not’ moments, which will continue to alter our perceived reality.

Even in the most love lacking of lonely hours, I have always felt lucky. Especially as a growing child, where being moulded to a multitude of identity tropes and characteristics allowed ‘differences’ to act as catalyst in liberating uniqueness, and encouragement to self explore. I was lucky in the sense that my senses were heightened. I secretly knew what was going on and played along, to simply survive the next level (before learning that thriving through it, was an option).

I was considered a mixed breed – half cast – being of ‘English’ and ‘Sri Lankan’ ethnicity. The skin was the first difference, and some people marvelled at it so viciously; their stares ripping at its caramel glow, with a sort of disgrace for such phenomena. The body I have been blessed with, was introduced to me as ‘male’, and the difference there is that the essence within the physical body, has forever been feminine, along with mannerisms and timbre of voice – thus, being asked if I was a ‘girl’ or ‘gay’ was a common inquiry that paid toxic tolls to mental stability and the shaping of a confused, conditioned & quite often condemned consciousness, from the early ages of 5.


I grew up in, what was then described as, a broken home, cared for by a single Mum and Nanna, where luckily, ‘Womanhood’ was a nurtured strength. I wasn’t masculine or ambitious in the field of testosterone inducing sports; I preferred a stage to sing and dance on. I now graciously reject imposed expectations of who a male body must be – since spending an adolescence trying to appease them – shielding from the sharp and nasties of socially enforced conventions that only create inauthentic experience.

The most damaging part about growing up diverse in so called ‘Australia’, is the torment of snivelling and stifling curiosity into the variations of one’s appearance, attributes and attitudes – being recognised as inferior to the majority. Such narrow lens questions of self and personal preference, were debilitating to the natural yearnings of spiritual development, and delayed a reconnecting with environment and cultural heritage. Being forced to fake one’s self into something other than thy truest expression, denies source energy of its rightful empowerment.

Only with wilful efforts and conscious acceptance; that being a minority doesn’t have to correlate with being ‘less than’, was I able to begin repairing from the devaluation of a poorly stitched system. My mission became simple: Insert self and beliefs in every avenue ventured, with self determination to highlight the atrocities of social conformity, capitalism, consumerism and colonisation, by speaking true to our human collective power.

Where does an industry not look like mutual belonging and how can I authentically revision their structures to accommodate new order with relation to encouraged expansion of our heart to heart connection as one species. It’s more than a matter of ‘righting wrongs’; but remembering that each of ‘our’ songs rings different, and thus, we cannot only continue to acknowledge the frequencies that maintain a conditioned pitch of comfort to the ear. ‘Nothing changes, if nothing changes’ I learned from the Greens political party in Victoria, while working on a state campaign. But more importantly, that we make it better when we grow together!

Since escaping the throws of ridicule and disrespect, I attest the binary and its narrative of norms, by unravelling in memories that were previously tucked away in shame, with loving kindness. 

I am more than the labels which comfort others to accept my presence. 

I am proud of every diverse aspect within and throughout this life I live and I am grateful to be part of paving ways and making change for every minority.

About the Author:

Ādaraya [translated from Sinhalese to English, meaning Love] is an emerging ‘athlete of the arts’, serving an open agenda to reshape our entertainment industry. Guided by a belief in the healing/ritualistic power & culture of performance melded with passion, with a want to reconstruct boundaries & ‘the binary’ through freeform expression and liberated perspective. Ādaraya aspires to elevate silenced voices, oppressed feelings and ridiculed thoughts, to gather our collective consciousness home in harmony.

Socials: Instagram adaraya.x 


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